The impact of dominance: what is it and how does it affect your life?
Dominance is a complex concept that involves exerting power or control over others. It can manifest in various contexts, such as personal relationships, work, and parenting. When someone is dominant, they often try to direct the decisions, behaviors, and emotions of others to achieve their own goals or mask their own fears and insecurities.
Dominance in parenting
Being raised by a dominant parent can profoundly affect your self-esteem and behavior as an adult. In your case, you had a dominant mother who, despite her love for you, influenced you in ways you now notice in your daily life. Here are some common effects of dominant parenting:
-
Lowered self-esteem : When a parent constantly exerts control and critics, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. You might feel like you're not good enough because you were continually corrected or because you never had the opportunity to make decisions independently.
-
Insecurity : Dominant parenting can make you feel insecure about your abilities and decisions. This stems from being accustomed to someone else always taking the lead.
-
Internalizing criticism : The voice of your parent may still echo in your head, even as an adult. This can lead to a constant internal dialogue of self-criticism and doubt.
-
Repeating behavior : Often, we unconsciously repeat the behavioral patterns we learned from our parents. In your case, you notice that you have also become dominant in your relationship, which can directly reflect the behavior you learned.
Dominance and intimacy
Dominance can significantly impact intimacy within relationships. It can be challenging to build a healthy and equal relationship if one partner continually tries to control the other. This can lead to tension, misunderstandings, and a lack of emotional closeness. Intimacy requires mutual respect, open communication, and the ability to be vulnerable without fear of criticism or rejection.
How to be less dominant and more true to yourself
-
Develop self-awareness : The first step to change is awareness. By recognizing your dominant tendencies and understanding where they come from, you take the first step toward change.
-
Communication : Work on open and honest communication with your partner. Ask for feedback and listen to their feelings and needs. This can help you better understand and adjust your behavior.
-
Therapy and counseling : Consider talking to a therapist who can help you break deep-seated patterns and beliefs. Therapy can also help you improve your self-image and build self-confidence.
-
Mindfulness and meditation : These practices can help you live more in the moment and become aware of your thoughts and feelings without reacting immediately. This can help you act less impulsively and dominantly.
-
Setting boundaries : Learn to set healthy boundaries for yourself and others. This means that you don't always have to be in control and that you allow others the space to make their own decisions.
-
Self-compassion : Be patient and kind to yourself. Don't set the bar too high and be realistic. It's challenging, but with the right exercises, you can go a long way. Work on developing a kind and understanding attitude toward yourself. This can help calm the critical voice in your head and improve your self-image.
-
Seeking support : Trust someone with your experiences and feelings, such as a friend, family member, or therapist. Keep a journal or use apps designed for this purpose to track your thoughts and progress. This can help you recognize patterns and consciously address your behavior.
Remember, you are not alone, and dominance is often an unconscious way of being. Breaking dominant patterns can be challenging, but it is an essential step toward a healthier and happier life. Through self-awareness, communication, and self-compassion, you can become more true to yourself and build more authentic and equal relationships.
