Sleeping apart or together?

The benefits of sleeping apart
Sleeping apart: good or bad?

The idea of sleeping apart, or not sharing the same bed with your partner, often evokes strong reactions. Some swear by it, while others see it as a sign that something is wrong in the relationship. In this blog, we explore the pros and cons of sleeping apart, why people choose it, how to discuss it with your partner, and what to tell your children if they still live at home.

Why people choose to sleep apart

There are various reasons why couples choose to sleep apart:

  1. Snoring: This is one of the most common reasons. A snoring partner can severely disrupt the other person's sleep.
  2. Different sleep Hhabits: Some people go to bed early while others are night owls. Different rhythms can be frustrating for both.
  3. Restless sleepers: If one partner moves a lot during sleep, it can keep the other awake.
  4. Medical reasons: Issues such as sleep apnea, chronic pain, or other health problems can play a role.
  5. Children or pets: Sometimes couples sleep apart to better care for their children or pets.

The benefits of sleeping apart

There are several clear advantages to sleeping apart:

  1. Better Sleep: Having a bed all to yourself means fewer disturbances and uninterrupted sleep.
  2. More Energy: A good night's sleep means you have more energy during the day.
  3. Improved Health: Chronic sleep deprivation can lead to a range of health issues, including a weakened immune system, weight gain, and increased stress levels.
  4. Fewer Irritations: Small nighttime irritations can carry over into the next day. By sleeping apart, you avoid these frustrations.

The drawbacks of sleeping apart

There are also some disadvantages and potential pitfalls:

  1. Emotional Distance: Physical closeness promotes emotional intimacy. Sleeping apart can lead to a feeling of distance.
  2. Stigma: There is still a social stigma attached to sleeping apart, which can lead to awkward questions from friends or family.
  3. Miscommunication: If not properly discussed, one partner might feel the other is distancing themselves without clear reasons.

What if one partner wants it and the other doesn't?

This can be a challenging issue in a relationship. Here are some suggestions for how to handle it:

  1. Open and Honest Communication: Discuss your concerns and needs with your partner. Also, listen to their side of the story and try to show understanding.
  2. Finding Compromises: There might be a middle ground, such as sleeping apart on some nights of the week or only on weekends.
  3. Professional Help: If you can't resolve it together, consider consulting a relationship therapist. They can guide you in finding a solution that works for both.
  4. Trial Period: Suggest trying out sleeping apart for a limited time and then evaluate together how it feels.

What does sleeping apart do for the spiritual connection?

For some couples, the spiritual connection is as important as the physical and emotional bond. Sleeping apart can affect this connection, but it doesn't have to be negative:

  1. Individual Rest and Reflection: Sleeping apart can be an opportunity for personal growth and reflection, which can strengthen the spiritual bond.
  2. Quality Over Quantity: Time spent apart can make the moments together more valued and intensely experienced.
  3. Intentionality: By consciously making time for joint spiritual activities, such as meditation, prayer, or simply being together, the connection can deepen.

What do you tell the children?

If you have children who still live at home, they might ask questions about the new sleeping arrangement. Here are some tips for that conversation:

  1. Keep It Simple: Explain in simple terms that mommy and daddy sleep better in separate beds.
  2. Stay Positive: Emphasize the benefits, such as having more energy to do fun things with them.
  3. Avoid Negative Details: Don't go into negative reasons like arguments or tensions unless it's absolutely necessary and can be explained in a child-friendly way.


Sleeping apart is neither inherently good nor bad; it depends on the specific needs and circumstances of the couple. The most important thing is that both partners feel comfortable with the decision and that the well-being of the relationship is maintained. Open communication, mutual understanding, and adjusting the approach as needed are crucial for the success of this arrangement. Addressing the issue with your partner and finding a compromise can help reduce any tensions and strengthen the relationship, both physically and spiritually.