My goodness I was shocked when my daughter in law gave me this as a gift.
I have been a widow for 23 year now, my son Xander was only 3 years old when his father (my husband) passed away in a tragic accident. My life turned upside down, what do I do?? I was left with my only son who was going to need his dad so much while growing up. I gave up a lot to be home, and made raising my son a number one priority. When I look back at the past 23 years I can honestly say that I’m proud of myself. My son is almost done with his psychology degree and I’m not doing so bad in the advertising business myself. Last summer he met his current girlfriend Sharisa, she studies at the same university.
She is a kindhearted and genuine person who shows interest in others, she recently asked me why I was still alone after all those years. I was touched by her question, because the hurt I felt from the loss of my husband was still there. She was the person who taught me how to feel at peace with my feelings after all those years. That you don’t have to let someone go, but that you can keep a person with you in a different way so there’s space for a new life. It took me a while to get it, but my grief has now been filled with warm memories. Previous Valentine’s day she gave me a special present, a vibrator (The Sunflower) by Filo. She wrote me a card that said, "if you want to start loving someone else, you should start by loving yourself.” It was a hard pill to swallow because I had not experienced intimacy since the passing of my husband, and selflove was definitely not one of my priorities, the past years I have just been surviving instead of living. I did some research on The Sunflower. At first I was hesitant to try it, I have to be honest and tell you it took me a while before I had the courage to try it out. Now I can talk freely about it, when I tried it, a lot of emotions came up that I had not felt in a very long time; laughter, happiness and loss. It gave me the ability to keep my husband closer to my heart but also make place for new experiences and maybe even a new person in my life. My daughter in law was right, love starts with loving yourself. There is a certain feeling of freedom, to feel and express emotions in a way I have never felt and done in a very long time.